In Which There is a Love Triangle
by SSSRHA
Summary: Kakashi can't take it anymore. It's about time that he put a stop to this. One-shot, sort-of-crack-fic.


**[Warning: every scene featuring Kakashi is ridiculous, and every scene without him is a romance angst-fest that progresses** _ **way**_ **too quickly. You have been warned.]**

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" **Sakura, do** you want to go out on a date with me?" Bright blue eyes gleamed in the sunlight, making his hair look bright and silky.

Sakura gave him a _look_ and placed her hands on his hips. Her emerald eyes gazed through her cherry blossom hair. "No," she snapped, her soft hands balled into fists. "For the last time, Naruto, I don't want to go out with you."

She then promptly turned her longing gaze on her other teammate. "Sasuke…" she said, fiddling with the hem of her bright red skirt, "do you...want to go out with me?"

Sasuke didn't even glance at her, and she wilted, eyes lowering to the ground. She once again looked up, taking in his dark, dreamy eyes and pale, aristocratic features.

Then she followed his line of sight. She paused.

Naruto stared back at her, blinking like a lost puppy. "What are you staring at, Sakura?" Then his eyes flicked over to the Uchiha. Cerulean orbs narrowed. "What are _you_ staring at, Sasuke?"

Sasuke gave him a small frown which just proved him to look more like a noble from the Capital than a ninja. His eyebrows knit and he turned away.

When Kakashi noticed the slight blush on his cheeks, he snapped.

"Okay," he said, clapping his hands. "Team meeting time! Everyone sit down! I want your full attention."

The three sat without complaint.

Kakashi studied them once again. The dead-last with eyes of the ocean and hair of the sun, the top kunoichi with a voice of silk and gaze of peace, and the rookie of the year with noble skin and swoon-worthy angst in his soul.

Yes, this was a disaster waiting to happen.

"Stop it," he said. "Just, stop it."

"...stop what?" Sakura asked.

"This...this thing you three have going! It's driving me nuts!"

"What thing?"

" _What do you mean 'what thing'?!_ You," he pointed his finger accusingly at Naruto, "like her!" He pointed at Sakura. "She likes him," he then pointed at Sasuke, "who likes you!" The finger was back on Naruto.

Silence reigned over the clearing.

Finally, Naruto squeaked out, "What?"

Sakura stared at Kakashi in horror. Then she looked at Sasuke. Then Naruto. Then back to Sasuke. Then Naruto.

Sasuke's eye twitched.

"Kakashi," he said, his voice low, "are you insinuating that I'm in love with Naruto?"

Kakashi snorted. "Hell no. None of you love each other. It's all just childish crushes and hormones. Now, I understand that you can't control them, but it's getting on my nerves! Every time I try to teach you a jutsu, Naruto tries to impress Sakura, Sakura tries to get you to help her, and you try to impress Naruto!"

"I do not like Naruto."

"I'm your Jonin instructor, you can't hide this sort of thing from me. Now, choose."

There was a confused silence.

"Er...what do you mean, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto ventured.

"I said choose. I'm not dealing with your drama. Two of you get together and I'll comfort the other one with some mochi or something. Then I can stop living in this Hell and maybe we can get something done without something going horribly wrong because _your goddamn hormones got in the way again and-"_

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura yelped. "Are you telling us that you want us to decide our relationships now?! This is the kind of thing that takes chapters and chapters...I mean _years and years_ to develop!"

Kakashi ignored her slip-up, figuring that it was another can of worms that would do more harm than good if opened. "I know that, but this is just until you three are Chunin! You can do whatever the hell you want then. Just spare me right now. _Please."_

His three students gave him incredulous stares. He just shook his head. "I have a feeling that this will take a lot of emotional sap that I can't handle, so I'll be over there. I'll be back in fifteen minutes, at which point you three should have reached a decision."

With that, Kakashi Hatake got up and fleed his flabbergasted students.

The three sat in an uncomfortable silence. Finally, Naruto turned to Sasuke and said, "You like me."

It was not a question, it was a statement.

Sasuke went beet-red. His hair fell on his face and his nimble fingers quickly brushed them out of the way as he said, "N-No I don't!"

"You're blushing."

"You would be, too, if Kakashi said you liked me!"

"No, I'd be going over there to kick his butt."

Hurt flashed across Sasuke's face and Sakura balled her hands into fists, tears in her eyes. "You like him."

Sasuke whirled around on her, his onyx eyes frantic. "No, I-"

"I-It's alright," she said, giving him a watery smile. "I want you to be happy, Sasuke. Just...just…" And she grabbed him and smashed her lips onto his.

Sasuke's eyes widened. They were like that for a while. Then she pulled back. "I...I just wanted one-"

And then Sasuke kissed _her._

For a few seconds, it was like the world had stopped moving.

Then, a cold voice snapped, "So that's it? You two are a couple now? Of course. Just leave Naruto behind in the dust, as always."

Sasuke pulled back and scowled at Naruto. "What's wrong with you?"

"No, no, what's wrong with _you?_ What the hell happened to your blush and your stutter and your hormones?"

Sasuke grit his teeth. "I never liked you."

"Don't lie to me, Uchiha!" Naruto snapped. "Kakashi-sensei said so, Sakura said so, and _I_ said so! What the hell happened to me? To _us?!"_

"What us?!"

"The _us_ you would mutter about in your sleep!"

Silence.

Sasuke started to tremble. "I can't help that I love you both," he whispered.

"It's not love! Kakashi-sensei said it himself, it's a crush! It's hormones!"

"And why are you bringing this up?" Sakura said suddenly.

Sasuke frowned. "Sakura-"

"No, Sasuke, I need to know. Naruto, you're demanding why Sasuke doesn't like you anymore and then when you admit that he does, you tell him that it's not love!"

"It's not!" Naruto yelled, advancing on her. "It's not love! We're little kids with minds addled with hormones! It's not love!" He was practically in her face now.

"Yeah?! Then what the hell do you call this?!" And she kissed Naruto.

And Naruto kissed her back because _goddammit,_ it was his childhood crush and he still liked her.

Sasuke came up and shoved them apart. "What are you two doing?!" he hissed. "Sakura, isn't it established that _we're_ the couple?!"

Sakura was glaring at them both. "He said it wasn't love! It was! No, it _is!_ You said it yourself, you love us both! Well, so do I! Is that no longer valid?! Is it just _hormones?!"_

Sasuke turned on Naruto, ready to tell him off for upsetting Sakura. But he didn't because Naruto...Naruto was _crying._ Tears fell from his eyes as he stared at them (and Sasuke had to admit, he was an attractive crier).

"It _is_ hormones! It was hormones when I liked you even though you've never so much as _looked_ at me! It was hormones when you looked at Sasuke when he never even acknowledged your existence! It was hormones that made me feel about Sasuke how I feel about you even though it would _never happen-"_ He paused, putting his hand in his sleeve. After a while, he pulled his face back out. His eyes were red, but his voice was unnaturally calm.

"Hormones," he repeated. "It's all hormones."

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's arm in a crushing grip. "You're wrong," he said, his voice cold as ice. "Sakura's right. I'm going to do this, and you need to tell me whether or not it's hormones."

Naruto's eyes widened. "Sasuke, don't! There's already been enough kissing-"

And Sasuke kissed him.

And dear god, Naruto loved him. He loved him just as much as he loved Sakura.

Sasuke pulled away, and Naruto just stared. Then he looked both Sasuke and Sakura in the eye and...nodded.

It wasn't much, but it was enough.

The three then sat down and stayed there in silence. It was a comfortable one, though.

After a few minutes, Kakashi appeared in front of them.

"So," he said cheerfully, "who do I have to comfort with dango and mochi?"

"Kakashi…" Sasuke started, only to trail off, not knowing what to say.

Sakura picked up. "What do you call it when three people are in a relationship?"

Kakashi frowned, slightly confused. "Well, I don't know the official term, but I heard someone refer to it as a 'throuple'."

Suddenly, a mischievous grin broke out onto Naruto's face. "Well then, Kakashi-sensei," he said, "looks like you've got a throuple on your hands."

Kakashi stared at him blankly before finally getting it. Then the clone dispelled itself.

The real Kakashi, who was on the other end of the clearing, froze. Then he put his face into his hands and let out a wail of despair because _I just made it worse, didn't I-_

He glanced back over at his students, only to find them making out. All three of them. At the same time.

 _Goddammit._

 **THE END**

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 **Wow, I really enjoyed writing that. So, yeah. NaruSakuSasu. I might put up a sequel or something, but don't count on it.**

 **Anyway, remember to Favorite, Follow, and Review! This is SSSRHA, signing out!**


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